Sticky Fingers! Orange, ginger and honey sticky ribs!

I've had the pleasure of getting to know Kimberly Hughes from her awesome SwoonWorthy blog and until I manage to convince her to come over to ours and decorate our man-cave (not a euphemism !!) here's our really quick, really easy, stupidly tasty sticky ribs recipe - but you have to read it on her blog...after you're done licking the screen that is!  Look at this picture! She put fucking words all over it!
Leave her a comment, tell her how great it tastes / looks and how manly I am, you know you want to...click the pic for the full recipe!

Is that a footlong cucumber in your pocket...or are you just pleased to see me?

Both baby.  Fuck it's good to be back.  And yes, this is a girthy cucumber in my pocket and it's all for you!  This recipe came about thanks to not having a fucking thing in the house and raiding the spice racks.  It was perfect, refreshing and spicy and easy as fuck to make.

What you'll need

• A thick, long, 6 inch girth cucumber...wait...whats wrong?
• A handful of Schezuan chili peppers (you can get these at any Asian supermarket).
• Half a tablespoon of crushed peppercorns.
• A little bit o' coconut oil a little bit o' love.

Cut the cucumber in half then half again.  Scoop out the gross mushy stuff with a spoon and throw it at the cat.

I used scissors to cut open the Schezuan peppers to avoid the forgetting-to-wash-your-hands-going-for-a-pee-run-screaming-into-the-street-with-your-cock-on-fire situation.

Heat your pan with the coconut oil and add the chopped up cucumber pieces, make sure they all get coated before adding the chili peppers and pepper corns.  Flash fry for a quick few minutes before plating up.  How easy was that!?

Enjoy!

Porno Pork Belly (aka garlic and chili pork sexytime)

It's...it's so pwetty.  Lookit!  It's like God came down from heaven, waved his magic wand and created a slab of bacon-y sexiness.  Was I turned on by the large piece of meat?  (And are you going to judge me for admitting, 'yes'?).  Even better was when it was frozen and became a veritable bacon-weapon.  In the end I cooked it instead of drilling a hole into it and making sweet, sweet love.  The lovely, thick layer of fat keeps the rest of the meat beautifully moist as well as turning into the sexiest damn piece of crackling you'll find.

It's a piece of piss (translation = easy) to make though so don't sweat it.  You'll only need a handful of flavours too.  Be warned though, it takes bloody AAAGES (2 fucking hours!), so be prepared for the copious amounts of aggressive, non-voluntary masturbation that'll occur, sparked off by the amazing, bacon-y, sex smells coming out of your kitchen.

I was red raw afterwards.

I'm not even kidding.

I had to get a cream.


What you need baby gurl...

• 1 pork belleh
• Sea salt (a handful)
• Black pepper (a handful)
• Chilies! (yep, another handful)
• 4 cloves or garlic (smushed, roughly chopped and sternly spoken to)

First things first, turn on yo' oven!  Stick it on 220C/425F.
Put your pork on the chopping board and get your sexiest, sharpest knife and score the fat, about 1cm apart.  Rub some of your salt, pepper, garlic and chopped up chillies into scores and around the fat.  Really get yer fingers in.  This'll also be a great time for you to discover any cuts you might have on your fingers or knuckles...

Season the bottom of the belly with the remaining salt and black pepper and put it into a pyrex dish (cavemen had pyrex...right?).  Stick her in the oven for about 45 mins. When the skin starts to puff up turn the heat down to 160C/320F and baste the fucker with the fats and juices in the dish.  Roast for another tortuous hour until you can't stand it anymore.  Slice lovingly and serve that sexy bastard.  Enjoy!