Is that a footlong cucumber in your pocket...or are you just pleased to see me?

Both baby.  Fuck it's good to be back.  And yes, this is a girthy cucumber in my pocket and it's all for you!  This recipe came about thanks to not having a fucking thing in the house and raiding the spice racks.  It was perfect, refreshing and spicy and easy as fuck to make.

What you'll need

• A thick, long, 6 inch girth cucumber...wait...whats wrong?
• A handful of Schezuan chili peppers (you can get these at any Asian supermarket).
• Half a tablespoon of crushed peppercorns.
• A little bit o' coconut oil a little bit o' love.

Cut the cucumber in half then half again.  Scoop out the gross mushy stuff with a spoon and throw it at the cat.

I used scissors to cut open the Schezuan peppers to avoid the forgetting-to-wash-your-hands-going-for-a-pee-run-screaming-into-the-street-with-your-cock-on-fire situation.

Heat your pan with the coconut oil and add the chopped up cucumber pieces, make sure they all get coated before adding the chili peppers and pepper corns.  Flash fry for a quick few minutes before plating up.  How easy was that!?

Enjoy!